Victory in Frigid, Texas

The U.S. Men's team braved uncommonly freezing temperatures to play out a full 90 minutes and handily take in a 4-0 victory over Guatemala in Pizza Hut Park in Frisco, Texas. Sitting 180 miles north in OKC and sharing the front that brought the cold, all I had to do was walk outside to get an idea of what it was like down there. I almost bought tickets for this game, which would have been great, but oh my crap. Not only could I never have gotten there in this sleet, but the very idea of sitting through 2 1/2 hours on a plastic chair in this weather makes my sympathetic nuts freeze right off. If I want that experience, I can just go take a wee in my own bathroom, thanks. I can't get warm, even inside. I can't believe 14,000 people IN TEXAS showed up for this game in this weather. Texas is getting a harder core of fans than I gave them credit for. I'm not sure if I would have gone even if I lived in Dallas, I'm too allergic to the cold. I'm a bad fan, I guess. At least the guys on the pitch were running around, which actually probably sucks in this temperature. I felt so bad for these guys, who were breathing steam like dragons and not dripping sweat so much as acquiring an icy glaze. But the cold did do nice things for Frankie Hejduk's do, it was all bouncin' and behavin'. Usually it gets all matted down with sweat within 20 minutes.

I felt especially bad for Guatemala, who you know wasn't prepared for this kind of winter. Pobre La Azul y Blanco no tuvo camisetas interiores para jugar en el frio, y tenía que pedirle prestado algunas a los EEUU. As for the US, the blue uniforms looked good, especially with gloves. They looked much better on than I was anticipating, but I think the long sleeves did the trick. The shorts still made me wince, especially since they were playing in freezing weather.

Speaking of fashion, I checked out the MLS photo spread in Maxim, and it was quite disappointing. Yeah, they look nice and all -- nice crisp white linen suits ("They're not afraid of anything, not even grass stains," the caption declared.) plus very colorful soccer shoes. But it really didn't say antyhing about the players or the game. But daaaamn if Pablo Mastroeni wasn't looking particularly nice, and even Landon Donovan, whom I love for his talent but I loathe for his cockiness, looked good enough for a second glance over the glossy.

Play started off choppy at the beginning of the half, with the ball pinballing back and forth in the midfield, but the U.S. took control and started pressing the advantage. Seemed like the refs were on our side in the first, ignoring the falls from Guatemala, who, like all teams from down South, I've noticed, have only a passing acquaintance with the concept of offsides.

Goal scorers in the first half were:

Ben Olsen in the 38th minute! Is the beard good luck? Good strong kick from a fair way out, catching Jerez off guard and hitting the back of the net. Makes up for a Rolfe goal that was called back for reasons I didn't catch.

My boy Brian Ching nailed it in the 45th, just before stoppage time, catching the ball and firing it from the middle of the box right over the head of Jerez. Nice job!

No stars here, as I said before, this was a solid team effort. They're thoroughly proving why they're sixth in the world, much to the chagrin and annoyance of all the worldwide naysayers. How I love that "This American Game" campaign from Nike that pretty much sums up the state of U.S. fútbol.

Into the half: Who else thinks that Marcelo Balboa needs to talk more? And what the hell is up with the Nike Soca Bonito campaign?

Eddie Johnson went in for Josh Wolff (note his new haircut, short and tight, a change from the longer locks he sported last summer) in the second half and caught his first goal in Pizza Hut Park in the 47th, just booting it over Jerez's head and giving a little 'tude by pointing at his number to remind us all who he is. As if we can forget.

There was harder gameplay in second, with La Azul y Blanco showing a little more piss and vinegar, including one hard clip against Johnson which took him to the grass. Guzan really didn't have too much to do today, and neither did Zach Wells of the Houston-whatever-we're-calling-them-now. But that's OK. That's a good day. And holy merde, what did that Guatemalan player call our player as they were running the ball out of bounds? This is when I wish my street Spanish was stronger.

Chris Klein popped out a goal in the 71st out of a choppy corner, right through traffic and past Jerez. What was I saying earlier about the refs being on our side? Man, I was wrong, We were just piling up the fouls and cards.

Coach Arena used the entire roster, and I just loved the way Frankie switched from player to cheerleader the second he stepped off the pitch. Any other reason needed why I adore him? Great player who goes all balls for a full 90, and he supports his team.

This was a good game. I didn't get the sense that this was a walkthrough for the US like I did in the last three games. Even though Guatemala did not qualify and never have qualified for the World Cup, they still played a hard game in a harsh environment. This is a good sign going into the European plays next month, and I can't wait!

Good game, guys. Now go get warm.